I am honest when I share my experiences of living with Crohn’s disease and dyspraxia and having a dad with severe multiple sclerosis. However, this honesty can sometimes hurt.
I am haunted by the corridors in my secondary school where I was punched, kicked, strangled by others boys. I remember the long admissions in hospitals where blood poured out of my bottom and I fainted in my mum’s arms. I still visualise the beds where dad’s legs trembled and his veins were infected. I recall the faces that shouted I was a ‘nerd’, ‘lazy’, ‘stupid’, ‘ugly’ and a ‘retard’. These faces laughed at my scars. These memories invade me as I type each word and I am almost too scared to press the ‘enter button’ to publish this article...
...But I know I am not alone. There are many wonderful people who are willing to listen to my story, no matter how graphic or personal, and they do genuinely care. I know they will be there when I cannot get out of bed in the morning even after setting two alarms; when I stumble over my speech; when I fall into shards of glass and cut my face; when my potassium levels are so low I could have a heart attack in the night; when I am bullied; and when I feel like ending it all.
On Saturday 24th June 2017 I attended the Dyspraxia Foundation Annual General Meeting and Conference 2017. I was very anxious on the train down to London Bridge. My hands were shaking; my voice was dry; and I almost vomited into the toilet. However, these fears disappeared over the duration of the day. Each organised talk, each activity, every workshops and ultimately every person was inspiring. You took the time to listen to my fears, my dreams and I listened to yours. You are kind, creative and determined and I am proud to have met you.
If it means my voice will no longer be silenced; if I can prove the bullies wrong; and if I get the chance to meet many more incredible people then I will continue to be honest.