Would I go back to when I was thirteen years old?
There
are a lot of photographs taken of me before I was thirteen years old and
diagnosed with Crohn’s disease and subsequently dyspraxia. In the darkest of
times I often imagine a scenario being played out where I am given the
opportunity to go back to 2007 when I was thirteen and continue living without
my two hidden disabilities. If I choose to accept this proposition the
consequence would mean I would have new memories, new experiences and therefore
new thoughts about who I am as a person.
In
the darkest of times the simple answer would be yes, I would go back to when I
was thirteen and be the ‘healthy’ individual we all deserve to be. In this
moment I would believe I would not have been bullied for being ‘different’, for
the way I vomited after playing sports and for not being able to form a
sentence together. I would believe I would not have had to take learning
support lessons in order to dramatically improve my progress in English as a
subject. I would believe I would not have to frequently visit the doctors and
stay in hospital in order to control a small intestine that wants to do nothing
but hurt me. I would believe I would not feel isolated, depressed, petrified
and ashamed.
However,
once those dark clouds have drifted away I would recognise that my complex
answer to this scenario would be no, I would not go back to the year 2007 when
I was thirteen and change the person who I am. I would be influenced in my
decision by how I am far greater than my two disabilities, that they do not,
cannot define me. I would be influenced by my achievements such as gaining my
First-class honours in English Literature and Creative Writing from University
of Hertfordshire, and how I have published stories, articles and productions celebrating
diversity. I would be influenced by my qualities of having an inner
determination of not giving in to a small intestine that wants to hurt me, but
instead to work with every time it drains me. I would be influenced by the amazing individuals
I have met since I was thirteen who have listened to my fears and dreams, not
with the intention to judge but with the intention to understand and to accept
who I am as a person.
So
if tonight I am asked, ‘Would you go back to when you were thirteen years old?’
I would like to think I would say no.
I
know that I am greater than my Crohn’s disease and dyspraxia; but I also
realise that the two hidden disabilities have influenced me, at least in part,
to become a determined, creative, empathetic and courageous individual who has
met some incredibly decent people. I would not want to change this. After all, only
in total darkness can you see the stars at their brightest; only when rain dashes
the sun will a beautiful rainbow appear.
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| I know that I am greater than my Crohn’s disease and dyspraxia...Copyright © 2016- Jake Borrett. All rights reserved. |
